Bad Friend

So - having 2 kids and working full time makes it almost impossible for me to talk to anyone besides my husband and sometimes I go days between even speaking to him and we are in the same house!

When I stayed home with the kids - I had oodles of time to go shopping, talk on the phone, clean up, etc... I would take advantage of naptimes and nighttime when my husband came home because I didn't feel any guilt leaving them alone for a little while because I was with them all the time.

Now that I work all day and only see them at night - I feel horrible any time I leave them during this precious time together. They are in daycare/preschool all day long - so I feel like I have to be home with them every single night.

I skip the classes that I joined my particular gym for, I skip book club, (which only meets one night a month) I NEVER talk on the phone because if they are awake - the second I pick up - they need me and make it a painful conversation for everyone involved and if they are asleep I am getting things ready for the next day and sitting down to de-stress after a crazy day and most days all I want is to sit on my couch with whatever project I'm working on (HUGE de-stresser for me at the moment) and watch tv on DVR.

This is where I am failing.

I need to find a way to make time for other people. I need to pick up the phone more. (I'm totally a facebook communication junkie and although it's great - it is NO replacement for actual conversations and I forget this all the time.

My excuse to myself in the past has always been that my friends are far away and busy and don't have time for me either - which I'm sure is true - but we need to be able to find time for each other.

I also need to find some local friends that I can count on. Now that we have decided that New Jersey is not so temporary - I am branching out and meeting moms from Katie's school, hosting play dates (the kids get to play and are entertained and I get to talk to another human without feeling guilty for leaving them with someone else - it's a total win.win)

I also started using Meetup.com to see what kind of local groups there are. I found a local stitch and bitch group and actually forced myself to go to a meet up this Saturday at a Panera close by. It was AWESOME - some older ladies, some younger girls - all who knit/crochet - all who have amazing stories and all who I can't WAIT to get to see again during the next meeting. And double bonus is that since I taught myself to knit/crochet - I get to get tips and expertise from "real knitters" to make me better.

So - I am making this vow to myself - similar to the vow I made my kids about being more present - which is working wonders by the way - I will make time for old/new/future friends. Cause I am lonely as hell here in NJ and now that we have decided it's not just a layover - I'm ready to commit and find a social network. And when we inevitably leave the area - I will just make sure to make time for these people to continue these friendships long distance - cause with real friends - distance doesn't matter. So - here is my personal ad - if it were safe to do such a thing nowadays hahaha.

Happily married, full time working (career type work) mother of 2 looking for non crazy - non weird female friends in the area. Interested in movies, music, all kinds of arts and crafts, food, wine, photography and more. Not looking for competitive moms, partiers or people who aren't into kids. (I have 2 - so it's kind of a package deal) Totally down for shopping, eating out, eating in, play dates, getting together to watch tv shows, book discussions, and the like.  The closer you live to me the better - as I kind of have a thing about distance and I suck at keeping relationships going from far away. I have jumped on the texting bandwagon finally - so can be reached there - or through FB - but I suck at writing long emails. (after working all day - extended time on the computer at night is tough for me - this blog posting is like, 2 months overdue for that reason)

Please be ready and willing to laugh, share stories, and not take yourself too seriously as it's all about de-stressing and having fun. Bonus points if you are a good cook that can give me tips on cooking better for my family while at the same time NOT judging our eating habits;)

All applicants welcome.

Working Rehab

So... I'm a little over a week into my new schedule and so far it's GREAT.
 The kids are happy, I'm happy, things are getting done, we are eating home cooked meals more  and my work is actually a little more organized because I have taken to scheduling my days better.

I have gotten to the gym more consistently in the last week than the whole month before that  - and that's great. My thyroid has been winning the morning wake up battle so I haven't been able to wake up before the kids like I wanted to - but I'm also CRAZY tired at the end of the day cause I am literally going non-stop from wake up until bedtime  - so I need some more adjustment time I think.


All in all, my new outlook and rules are working amazingly. Katie and I are back on track and she seems REALLY happy with the changes and with how much we have been playing.

I have been crafting up a storm too. I found Bubble Puppy templates on Nickjr.com and went CRAZY. Ben LOVES That show and there are no dolls or merchandise anywhere. I made the 2 templates they have online (one for each kid) then made Mr. Grouper from my own template and am working on creating a generic bubble guppy template that will work for all the other characters with a few minor changes.

I also made Katie a crocheted Tiara and Rapunzle Braid as that is her favorite new princess even though she won't watch the movie.

We successfully made a menu together for her restaurant and play that almost every day now.

Life is good again. The kids are healthy - we're healthy and we live in a happy house again - not a stressed out too much work to do house:) Here's to the rest of the summer!

Working Mom Intervention

Working Mom Intervention

There are some serious changes happening in our house effective immediately.

I went from Full Time stay at home mom who never took time for herself to a full time work aholic mom who was neglecting her kids. Not neglecting in the child abuse sense – but neglecting in the cleaning /working/cooking instead of playing with them sense.

I have fallen into a habit of working way too much and not playing  enough. I’m not sure if it’s just because the extreme liberation of going back to work and getting out of the house and having my own personal  identity again was too much for me or what – but I overdosed on it. (I was always a workaholic before so I fell back into bad habits)

Working from home, I thought I’d have all the time in the world to cook and clean and get stuff done so we could spend together at night. I have succeeded in having dinner on the table every single night as soon as they come home but I haven’t succeeded in having any other balance.  Most days I have to peel myself away from my desk just to make myself lunch – it’s a bad habit – and it’s resulting in me not having time for my kids.

That all ended this weekend.

Katie has been distant from me for awhile – I don’t blame her – I’m always “too busy” to play and do things. I’m always moving, cleaning, organizing, planning. If she’s watching something on tv – that’s an opportunity for me to get something done – if she’s playing quietly – I’m emptying the dish washer. I’d be mad at me too, in fact I am mad at me and I’m  fixing it. I finally talked to her about it over the weekend while we were playing restaurant – I realized I hadn’t sat and played with her for an extended period for awhile  because she usually prefers playing with her dad – and I told her that I was going to stop cleaning and working all the time and would play with her more. She said she would really like that and that then she would play with me more and  not just daddy because that would make her happy.

Holy Reality Check.
So, I gave myself an intervention this weekend and have started instituting the following changes in my life and I feel like a new person!


My New Rules for being a full time working mom

1.  Wake up early so that I am awake and ready to play with you and not sleepy and groggy and bitchy
2. Take lunch breaks during the day and use THAT time to do stuff around the house  
3.    Prep for meals WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING
4. Clean the house WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING
5.   Go to the gym BEFORE work in the morning after you have left the house. I might not get to spend 1.5 hours there – but I will still be on my way to healthy and not be wasting our time together at night
1.   Although – one night a week I would like to go to Zumba because I LOVE it – but I will still be home for bedtime 
6.   Play Restaurant, Grocery Shopping, spinning, dance party, ball, bam bam and whatever game you both would like to play
7. Schedule alone time for you and me and you and daddy because I think it’s important that you get to spend quality time with each of us – ALONE
8.   Go to the library and pick out new books at least every other week
9. Get back to crafting with you – my first project will be to make picture menus for Katie’s restaurant and teaching Ben how to use crayons instead of bashing them on the floor
10. Take care of myself so my thyroid doesn’t rule our days – I am stocking up on vitamin C to boost my immune system – I am going to bed early – exercising more and eating better – all of this will help make me a happy and fun mommy as opposed to a sick feeling, grumpy, tired mommy 
11.  GET OFF THE COMPUTER – I have gotten SUCKED into virtual time wasting online (I think this is because my time online was so limited when I was home FT)– even when you are home – so I will stop checking FB on my phone, stop answering emails (especially during dinner) and  live IN THE MOMENT, in our world – not the online world.  The internet can wait until you go to bed just like the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, and everything else! 
12. Stop being in a rush for “quiet, alone ME time”. Me time is play time with you. Me time is going to the gym before work and getting up early in the morning. Me time is going to happen a lot more than I want it to when you are grown and out of the house – so I will stop being selfish because I had you to be with you – not to live along side you - and me time is the 8 hours a day I am working and not staying home with you.

I promise to make these changes every day –

If I can’t manage the housework in this way – I promise to hire a housekeeper to help out so that I CAN PLAY WITH YOU. I don’t like spending that kind of money on something so simple, but if it will give us more time together – it will be worth every penny!

Here’s to my new outlook on full time mommying!

Vacation: Then and Now!

So... we just came back from a 5 night stay in Wells Beach with both kids and all our parents and I noticed a few differences in how we used to vacation and how we vacation now:)

Then: I packed a book on CD for our car ride and we didn't stop unless we REALLY had to to make the trip go faster.

Now: We have Bubble Guppies on repeat and stop multiple times to get the kids out to stretch their legs and play to help break up the long ride.

Then: I took long, bubble baths with wine, candles and my book and used lots of soft, plush towels.

Now: I take 2 minute showers using Elmo Bubble bath for body wash and princess shampoo for my hair and the bath mat for a towel because there were no towels in the bathroom I ended up in.

Then: We brought movies and books for staying in the room and relaxing 

Now: We packed toys, pillows, blankets, activities to keep the kids entertained and could only stay in the house for small stints of time because of cabin fever kids!

Then: We went to long, drawn out dinners at nice restaurants

Now: I spend my eating time - feeding the kids and trying to get Ben not to be the loud, screaming, kid

Then: We rolled into brunch around 10 - 10:30

Now: We are up and feeding the kids by 7:30 - and a cup of coffee while standing over the sink is my breakfast

Then: I used to see that hotel pools opened at 8 am and thought  - who the heck is in the pool at 8?)

Now: Yeah, we were those people.... (8:30)

Then: I sat by the pool for the sun

Now: I jump into freezing cold pool water so my kids can play

Then: I would never pay for parking to sit on a cold beach for an hour
Now: We paid $16 for the kids to play in the sand in 50 - 60 degree weather for an hour and I would do it again in a heartbeat!!!

I also learned a few things on this most recent vacation:

• The kids are rockstars and travelled REALLY well
• I should worry less about packing lightly and worry more about packing everything we could possibly want - cause more is better
• I should ALWAYS pack clothes for warm and cold weather, regardless of what the weather channel says 
• We should always have towels in the car - even if it's 60 degrees and you don't plan on someone getting wet, cause sometimes kids fall in
• Renting a condo style hotel room at the beach was the best idea we ever had
• Planning day trips in case the weather doesn't work out is a MUST - we screwed this one up big time and the kids got cabin fever and it was stressful
• Bringing some bedding from home can help your little ones sleep better at night
• Pack nightlights for the hotel
• Change the sheets in your house before you leave so when you come home everything is nice and clean

What other tips do you have for traveling?
Happy Summer Travels

My sick kids break my heart

8 days. 8 days back at full day preschool and Katie is sick again.

Me: Katie - are you ok? Do you feel like you're going to throw up

Katie - NO I feel fine

Me -Are you sure?

Katie - I want to go upstairs and lay in bed (never a good sign)

Me - ok Katie - let's go

Katie - Carry me

Me - of course

we get to the top of the stairs and she says in a rush

I WANT BABA TO STAY ON YOUR BED

that's when I knew we were screwed.

My immediate reaction was to throw Baba far away from us out of the line of fire (success)

As I'm turning to try to get her into the bathroom - she proceeds to throw up all over me and her while screaming I DON'T HAVE TO THROW UP.

Not sure if you have experience with this, but when your child is talking while puking, it does something to the volume and direction of the puke which makes a ridiculous mess.

Now, I have a bowl of cereal all over me, the floor, (my bare foot) and Katie (baba was saved due to our combined quick thinking)

Inside I'm screaming EW EW EW EW EW GROSS

outside I'm saying, it's ok Katie as I stroke her puke filled hair and trying to clean her up to make her not embarrassed.

We strip down, I clean her up - put her in bed and get ready to clean up the breakfast mess.

My day continued like this for awhile.

Not sure if it's cause she's little or what, but there is no way for me to get her to puke into a "bucket" or anything because she freaks out and insists she's ok and then it's just too late.

So, I put towels on the floor in hopes that we could aim any future puke there. My only warning when she would actually throw up was if she suddenly threw Baba away from her.

We always tell her, if you are going to spit up (throw up) get Baba out of the way so we don't have to take him away to clean him - she takes this seriously which is super helpful - cause he's the only thing that makes her feel better.

I spent the afternoon, watching for her to push Baba away - grabbing one of the towels near me and basically creating a towel bowl for her to throw up into. We even succeeded one time to having her aim it off over the couch onto a stack of  towels I had put there for that purpose.

Poor baby.

She hates puking so much that she tries really hard NOT to - which just makes it worse - and I had a hard time not laughing at how much she kept  insisting she didn't have to throw up - even in the middle of a long puke.

Then she was hungry, thirsty and sad - and I couldn't give her food.

I finally gave her some saltines cause she was pitiful and told her to eat them slow - she took one bite every 2 mins - and small sips of water.

Yeah, I got that on me about a half hour later on the way to bed.

Here's what I've learned/realized over the past few days:

1) I hate Puke

2) I hate puke a little less when it's my kid

3) I'm really good at catching puke in a towel

4) I'm really good at pretending not to care about vomit being on me to make her feel better

    when realistically, I'm dying inside

6) Saying you don't have to throw up, while you are throwing up only makes the situation worse

7) Having a sad 3 year old crying for water in the middle of the night and not being able to give it to

    her because she'll throw it up has got to be the worst, awful feeling in the world.

8) Asking her to take small sips when all she wants to do is chug it - makes me cry because I know         she's thirsty and hungry

9) Not being able to do anything about how uncomfortable she is makes me cry

10) My husband is a rockstar for sleeping on the floor next to her bed to try to make her feel better

      I would have been a hysterical mess every time she asked for water or cried.

11) I was NOT prepared for just how often my kids would get sick being at daycare....

They are at the doctors office now - let's hope for some sort of diagnosis and medicine

To Minivan or not to Minivan that is my current question

I'd like to preface this by saying this is all my husbands fault.

We have 2 cars - a 1996 Manual Honda Civic with 150,000 miles on it which I still love to this day and a 2011 Honda CRV which is the car we upgraded to when we outgrew our
Honda Accord after having Katie.

The Civic was my first car and continues to serve us well and be insanely reliable - particularly as a commuter car for once or twice a week.  I love that car when its just me and short drives:)

In my mind, the CRV was the perfect car - and it was.... for me and Katie when I stayed at home full time.

It was comfortable, we had space, we could squeeze our parents in when they come to visit (always an overnight visit as we live so far away)

Then we had Ben and with the 2nd car seat - it can only hold 4 people unless one person wants to risk throwing their back out while squishing sideways with one arm resting on a car seat at all times.

So... anytime it's more than the 4 of us - it's squished. It's also squished on long car rides when one of us might have to pop in back to help entertain the kids who are bored and desperate to get out of their car seats. 

So, a minivan has been on our radar for the past few months.

I'm not opposed to a minvan - I have no image issues - I have comfort issue and I want to be comfortable:)

We discussed briefly what do we do about the second car and in my mind I was thinking of replacing my beloved civic with the bald paint spots, but my husband said - MINIVAN

and then, it was ON.

It's been all I can think about. Particularly as we are about to have a very long and cramped drive on our way up to Maine for an awesome beach vacation!

So, my thought process is this... if we wait to get the minivan because we are trying to figure out our finances and house situation and don't want to drop a bunch of cash on a new car... (which is the same exact predicament we are in EVERY SINGLE YEAR as we are never sure where we will be living and if we will finally buy a house somewhere to call home ), but then we end up cracking and getting one within the next 6 months anyway - I am going to be pissed that we missed the opportunity to enjoy the extra space during this 6 hour drive. 

Which is how I got my CRV by the way - it was also prompted by an upcoming trip to Maine! 

So, to buy or not to buy? I love Honda, but have been hearing not so good reviews from Odyssey owners. I like the idea of the Quest, but I think the price point is too high for us.

So, of course my thought process is just suck it up and get it now so that we can enjoy the drive - cause we're gonna get one anyway. As the kids get older, we will need a bigger car to take them and any of their friends or our family anywhere - so I feel like there is no way we will regret doing it now.

Of course, there is the impending potential of having to put a down payment on a house within the next year - but the reality to that is that we don't have any ONE place that we both have our hearts set on for re-location - so it's not a definite that we will need to do that in the next year anyway. MY feelings on buying a house are this - I'd rather wait until I know where we want to live for LONG TERM and buy a house we can afford that I will LOVE And never want to leave - then buy a house that makes sense for now, in a town that we think makes sense for now - and then have to try to buy it to move somewhere else. Renting is just fine by me as we don't have any place we feel we ABSOLUTELY have to move to. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH being an adult  is complicated.

Coxsackie can kiss my ass

Coxsackie virus, better known as hand, food and mouth disease - 

NO, not.. HOOF and Mouth disease (that's what farm animals get), 

is the DEVIL.

This sneaky bastard is crazy contagious in daycare settings, particularly in infant rooms.

(Yay)

My  little guy is the "sick kid", the one who gets all the crap the daycare sends home warning  you they might have been exposed to

Yeah, he's that kid.

So - the first time he got Coxsackie sucked. Daycare called me and said I had to come get him - I had no idea what I was in for. He was laying in his crib with his eyes half open crying and pitiful and sweaty and just plain sad.

I freaked out so bad I was scared to leave the daycare cause I had never seen him like this. 

I immediately called the Ped - and they said - oh yeah it's Coxsackie and all you can do is give him ibuprofen for the fever and the pain. 

Oh, and by the way - he's been contagious already for a few days.

Yeah, that's how this freakin things works... you get it, and you're contagious and THEN 3 - 4 days later is when it actually shows up with syptoms which are high fever, severe lethargy - (i never knew what that looked like until this thing and let me tell you it's SCARY) and then they get a rash on their hands and feet and body which is painful to the touch.

Yeah, it's a real gem.

So, we explained to Katie that she couldn't touch anything Ben touched until we sanitzed it, and my amazing little 3  year old actually listened. We kept them separate - cleaned everything and right when he started to feel better - Katie got it.

Hers was more mild - a fever for half a day and she was tired, but that's it. The rash showed up but it didn't seem to bother her much at all.

When they both were finally feeling better - we were more than happy to have that fing thing out of our house because it was AWFUL. You can't go anywhere or do anything and you can't really help them feel better and it's just miserable.

Well, that was 2 months ago and Saturday it started all over again with Benny having a much worse reaction this time. Severe lethargy for 2 whole days, high fever, irritability (who can blame  him) and no appetite. This time, we thought maybe we were in the clear as they are separate all day long and Katie and I were out of state over the weekend. I came home and bleached everything, spray sanitized and Lysol wiped every surface the kids touch.
It has ruined 3 birthday parties for us that we can't attend do to it's nasty stay.

Benny started feeling better on Tuesday and I was getting all packed up to take him on an adventure to celebrate him feeling better and spoil him a little before his return to daycare when I got the call that said Katie had a high fever.

I went and got her from school and the director carried her down to the car to me like an infant all wrapped up in a blanket - she was half awake. She had a fever and was shivering.

I got them home and stuck Ben in his highchair and brought Katie up to her room to pee and get in bed with some medicine. She went quietly and without complaint and fell asleep instantly, I came downstairs and Ben was happily just sitting in his highchair for me as if he knew I needed him to be patient while I sorted Katie.

Then I broke down and started crying hysterically because I was so overwhelmed with emotion over how sick my buggies were and how good they were being so I could help the other one out. Then the guilt started and I realized they'd never have gotten this damn thing if I hadn't gone back to work - so the waterworks continued. Guilt, exhaustion and frustration at not being able to do more have left me so stressed out that I am breaking out like a 13 year old girl and having trouble sleeping at night during the little amount of time they actually allow lately. I'm ready for this to be over and really, really hope it never comes back in my house again!

And so it continues. Benny is fine - although he still has the "rash" Katie is having a hard time sleeping at night cause her neck (throat) hurts and we have been stuck in this house on quarantine since Saturday. There's 4 days left.

Don't get me wrong. I love being with my kids and miss seeing them so much - but being stuck with no warning, with sick, irritable children who you have to keep separate, and keep on top of sanitizing, etc... without the ability to break up the day and go anywhere or do anything is killing all of us.

Add the rain from the last few days and it is a cranky, sleep deprived, emotional black hole in my house.

Here's hoping this is the last time they get this. If not, we might have to consider changing daycares - although viruses like this are everywhere and there is no guarantee any other place has it less. 

Ben just needs to learn to keep his mouth shut and stop eating everything - then maybe he won't be such a host for germs....

The silver lining of this awful, unexpected, sickly week - is that while I've been home with Ben I have been able to teach him to say More physically (not sign language) gotten him to start following directions (put this in the garbage) and teach him where his head is.

So, all in all, not an awful week I guess :)

Here's hoping that since this time around it seems to be a worse version, that Dave and I don't get it. It's rare in adults but AWFUL if you get it. And given my weakened immune system (thanks thyroid) I'm more susceptible than most. Fingers crossed if you have a chance please.

Here's hoping for a healthy June!