Travelling with 2

UGH!
First of all, Ben HATED the car - I mean screamed bloody murder from the time his butt hit the seat - so going up to Maine (6.5 hours without any stops) was not something we looked forward to.
But, we had to go up for a Memorial service for our Aunt - so we tried to figure out what we could do.

My friend brought over a Britax convertible seat to try out and he was like a different kid the second he sat in it! No crying or screaming or anything. I tested it for a few days with shorter trips and then made a 2 hour trip to my moms and it was HEAVEN.

So... off we went with a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old.

We broke up the trip in 2 stages - first I took the kids to my moms house (thank god it's on the way to Maine) for 2 nights and then Dave came on the second night to meet us and we left the following morning.

I love seeing our family. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it - but I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE what it does to my kids schedules.

Before we left - Katie was sleeping from 7:45 ish until 7:00 - 7:30 and taking a nap every day - Ben was sleeping from 10 - 4:00 every morning and waking up again around 6 or 6:30.
It was AWESOME

Then we went to my moms house and Katie didn't nap and Ben started waking up multiple times a night.

I figured... ok - can't be that bad - it will get better when we get to Maine.

NOPE! I couldn't have been more wrong.

While our drive up there was blissfully quiet with a perfectly content 2.5 year old who didn't act out AT ALL and a 3 month old who slept the whole time until we made our first stop in NH to meet Daves mom, the rest of the trip was torture when it came to sleep.

Katie refused to nap for probably 4 days in a row and had awful melt downs every night she did this which made it IMPOSSIBLE to go out to dinner. Ben woke up multiple times a night and wouldn't go back to sleep by himself so he had to stay in bed with me.

We went to a BEAUTIFUL 2 bedroom condo VERY close to Wells, Beach for our last 2 nights in Maine and I was in heaven. Everything was 2 minutes away and the weather was wonderful. (which never happens when we make it up there)

I was trying to enjoy it as much as possible - but on little to no sleep and constant nursing - it makes it kind of hard!!!

Then we went to bed - and the crib they gave us was the smallest crib I've ever seen - which meant Katie woke up for about 3 hours in the middle of the night and eventually fell back asleep in bed with me - while she was sleeping, Ben was awake - so it was awesome.

The second night it was the same.
There I was in heaven by the beach - with 2 kids in my bed - wide awake unable to sleep, nursing or trying to convince Katie that it wasn't morning time because there was light coming in through the curtains. Then we had cranky kids for our afternoons. Still, I thought it's ok - it's a mini vacation - it's no big deal it will work itself out.

Making a long story short - we have been back 5 days now and Katie is now waking up one or 2 times a night - not napping more days than she is and Ben is still waking up 2 - 3 times a night.
They both are up for the day between 5:30 and 6:00

So... as much as I love travelling and seeing people - I'm afraid we will be pent up in our house for the next few months because this stay at home mommy can't take it.

We were all ready to put Ben in Katie's room to share because they were both sleeping so well and now we are going to have to move his crib into our room so that they don't keep each other up and I am pulling my hair out every day around noon wondering if she will take a nap or not.

Does this happen to everyone's kids or just mine? And why does the fall out last for so damn long?

Katie wasn't this bad when it was just her and when it was just her - it was easier to handle - but since there are 2 now - it means I spend most nights awake because either I'm nursing him, or listening to her over the monitor.

Boooooo

Here is hoping that today is the last day we have sleeping trouble for awhile.

I love vacation - but I hate the fall out!

Totally unrelated - but made me smile a little today - Katie has taken to "feeding" her favorite toy... She lifts her shirt up and puts him sideways - at first I was kinda shocked and thought - oh crap - then I realized it's no different than a kid pretending to bottle feed...

How clean is your house?

Wow, I'm back and it feels like it's been FOREVER!

We finally moved into a rental house and let me tell you it's AMAZING!

It's a 3 bedroom - 2 floor house (beds and bath up - living, kitch, dining, down) Full backyard and driveway!! (no more moving cars for the street sweeper on Tuesday mornings!!!!)

But, it was stressful to say the least.

See, we had more stuff than we thought we did. We had more stuff than the movers thought when they did the estimate and of course the day of the move ended up being the hottest day of the spring - so it was misery all around!

However, we did it and we are in and now it's just a matter of getting this place all set up with our pictures hung and our patio/backyard set up and it will feel like HOME!

In moving, I realized something that I thought we should discuss and that is cleanliness.

See, I come from a long line of obsessive cleaners. My kitchen is swiffer mopped every other day, my floors always vacuumed, my bookshelves dusted multiple times a week. There are never poop stains in my toilet and the rest of my bathroom gets a once over at least 3 - 4 times a week. (especially with a potty trained kiddo) Her potty seat gets sanitized and wiped down all the time too.
(turn your potty seat over and take a look - it's GROSS)

I even wipe down the garbage can front, top and back if anything gets on it because although it's a garbage can, I don't think it needs to have garbage ON it... only IN it.

So, when I got here to move in, I was absolutely DISGUSTED to see the state of the bathroom and kitchen. I'm talking caked on grime. I spent the better part of an hour or 2 just scrubbing, bleaching and disinfecting these 2 small places so that I could feel good about bringing my kids in the house.

AND - the worst part is that there were 2 babies living here. One of which got baths in the tub that I had to bleach like, 3 times just for us to take showers in.

I don't get it. I'm finding the older I get and the more places I go, the cleaner my house looks to me.

Don't get me wrong - I can be messy. My drawers are a mess - socks with pants and shirts and panties all mixed in to heaping piles that you have to flatten to close them - however it's Clean - there is a difference. And, my room is the only room that stays messy. I make sure everywhere else in the house is clean every day. We pick up the toys every night, (Katie has been helping since she could walk and is very good about this) the kitchen is NEVER left a mess overnight and the kids room is always clean.

Is it too much? Am I the crazy one? I enjoy a clean house. I just found itty bitty little ants near the kitchen and am FREAKING OUT because I vacuumed 3 times this week and it grosses me out to think there is food somewhere I can't get to that is attracting them - so we are getting spray and I will continue to vacuum until they are gone.

Nothing skeeves me out worse than a dirty kitchen. And this kitchen had just been re-done with nice counters and cabinets and yet, the people that lived here apparently didn't care to keep it up.

Perhaps I clean too much - but it makes me happy. I guess that's why I never get overwhelmed with cleaning the house - because I keep it up during the week so it's never a crazy, time consuming all day event...

Is there anyone else out there that cleans like me? Do you feel my pain?? I was so overwhelmed with how gross this place was that I was almost in tears... granted, part of that is my crazy hormone in-balance due to breastfeeding, but I think some of it was warranted given the situation too!!!

:)

P.s. this is by no means a commentary on ANYONES house I have been to recently for the record... just a commentary on the GROSS people that used to live here!

Positives to Staying Home with your kids

O.k. in the insanity that has been the last 3 months, I have decided to write a blog on the positives on staying home because I do realize that there are a lot, otherwise I wouldn't be sacrificing working in order to do so.

So... here goes

1. You have less of a chance of missing all the firsts... steps, words, crawling, smiles
2. You get to stay in your pj's all day
3. You have full access to your fridge all day and can make whatever you want whenever you want and aren't limited to a cafeteria or a microwave
4. In the summer, you can enjoy some outside time and possible sprinklers, water table or pool fun
5. Your kid gets to set a schedule that works for them- I for one, let Katie nap for as long as she needs to (unless it goes past 4:30 because we like having some quiet time at night without her being awake past 8:00) and we never have to wake her up in the morning
6. You can run your errands during the day (well, when I had one kid I could do that, at the moment I am stuck doing my errands after 8pm when he's asleep for longer than 2 hours at a clip - but I hold out hope that that will change someday)
7. You can clean your house a little here and a little there. (I'm wicked crazy about cleaning and my house is ALWAYS clean. I'm talking lysol wipes on the garbage can opening clean - so this suits me well!)
8. You can cook yummy dinners without having to eat late. (although my meal planning lately has been crap - I will get back to it now that we're settled)
9. You can watch daytime TV - yeah, I said it - I watch Ellen and Rachel Ray sometimes - don't judge
10. You can go on the internet and use the phone without being monitored by anyone but your toddler
11. You can have play dates with your kids friends moms - which can be play dates for you!
    

So, please understand that I do realize there are a lot of perks to being a stay at home mom. I just wasn't expecting that number 2 would be so difficult and totally throw my leisurely lifestyle upside down. Having a kid that won't stay in a stroller makes a lot of the above difficult, but I know that someday - I will get back there:)

Happy Wednesday (I think it's Wednesday anyway)

Sorry - we moved - and it takes so much time:(

Hello all !

Sorry for the delay in posting! We FINALLY finished our move and it took longer and more out of us than we had expected. The people we are renting from were DISGUSTING and left all kinds of crap for us to deal with. Between cleaning like crazy and unpacking our insane amount of boxes, it's been a week and we still aren't completely done. I'm amazed at how gross some people are - and these people have kids and all I could think is their kids lived like this too:(

The good news is having all this new space has given us a new lease on life already! Having a backyard for Katie and a driveway and an upstairs and a laundry in the basement has already made us all WAY HAPPIER than we were in the old 2 family.
The bad news is all I can think of is - all of this work and it's only temporary - as we have a one year lease with an option to renew if all goes well.

So, let's hope it all goes well and we can make this place our home for 2 good years - then our deadline will be reached and we will have to finally decide what to do because I already told my husband - I never want to move again!!!

Other than that, we are still trucking here. I have decided that I pretty much hate the restrictions that breastfeeding has introduced to me. Ben still absolutely refuses a bottle and I'm not selfish enough to starve him to force him to do it - so we are at a stand off and so far he's winning. if I had to go to work or something, then I could see forcing it - but seeing as how it's just kind of inconvenient for me to be stuck here all the time, I have decided to cancel my gym membership and just cross my fingers that someday I can go back and run my errands after he's asleep at night.

He still eats every 2 hours during the day which makes my days very hard - but he sleeps pretty much every night at least 5 - 8 hours - so I guess I'll take it.

I just keep telling myself that tomorrow will be the day that he stretches out his feedings to every 3 hours - but so far - tomorrow hasn't changed:( and it's very difficult to do anything outside the house.

He also has decided to stick to his guns about hating being in the car seat - and every time we try to take him out - he screams until he has that awful raspy, hurty voice left and it's pure torture. I feel worse when Katie is with me because she doesn't really understand why he cries all the time and I don't want it to upset her. I have been trying to take him on short trips to see if he can handle it and every time I do - I end up insanely stressed out and depressed and he screams and cries the whole time - it's not good and it's not getting any better.

Good thing we have this nice, big house to hang out in because it looks like I'll be stuck here awhile.

what else?? I have decided that I need to start working PT online again - I wasn't sure if I was going to - but I decided I will feel better if I'm making a little money and it's good for my brain - so I am in the process of re-training myself for that as it's been since February since I worked...

My next big adventure will be one in cloth diapering - I have to decide which system I want to use and then start getting my supplies so we can see how we like it. I had a friend switch over and so far she loves it - in fact.. Kate, do you want to do a guest post for me????

Hope all is well with you all - I will post something a little more helpful and mom-ish when I get another free moment!

Perhaps some coupon updates! I have been keeping up with it and still absolutely love it. I ran out to shoprite the other day with no plan - just my coupon folder and ended up saving $56 between what was on sale and what I had coupons for and it was all stuff I needed to re-stock our house with food after the move.
Makes me feel good:)

Motherhood is not all roses and rainbows

Motherhood is not all roses and rainbows.
You will never sacrifice more than you do the second you become pregnant. Dads sacrifice too - but it's not the same - not even close.

Your body incubates this little being for 9 months and then you have to get it out. Your insides literally shift positions and organs move around to accomodate your little bundle of joy.

(If your jeans don't fit after you give birth it might be because your hip bones literally spread out to allow for more space for the baby to make it's exit)

Your hormones are INSANELY wacked out.

Women who have been vegetarians for years suddenly crave rare cheeseburgers, some women can literally throw up at the first smell of a particular food and you will be exhausted like you have never experience before. I hardly ever made it to 9 pm with my first pregnancy and I had to nap during the day with my second otherwise I would not have survived until dinnertime.

Some women experience nausea so bad they need to be medicated and the same goes for acid reflux. Sleep issues can be present from day one- either needing too much or not getting enough because you can't get comfortable.

At the end of all of this, and hopefully after a mostly painless childbirth (I have heard HORROR STORIES about deliveries gone wrong) you are presented with a slimey, crying, red faced little human to love unconditionally.

Love you will - you will kiss their toes, and their hands and their heads and you will stare at them for hours. You might not even want to let them go back to the nursery when you are in the hospital because you can't imagine one second without them.

Then you go home.

And the baby cries and nothing you do can stop it and you don't remember the words to any nursery rhymes and you smell like spit up and haven't brushed your teeth or showered in days and you haven't made dinner yet and the baby hates his bath and isn't napping like newborns are supposed to and your husband comes home from work looking refreshed and relaxed and you want to punch him because you can't remember the last time you felt relaxed.

In honor of being honest - I figured it was about time we discussed postpartem depression/baby blues.

Not everyone suffers from it and not everyone that does suffer from it, has the same experience. Some feel it right away, some don't feel anything for weeks to months after giving birth.
For some women, it's extreme and debilitating to the point where they can't function and for others, they just need to cry for 10 minutes at the end of a particularly hard week.

ALL OF THIS IS NORMAL - however it doesn't make it any easier.

I don't think I experienced Postpartem at all with my first child which is weird because it was the dead of winter and my husband had to commute so he was out of the house a lot more than he is now. Granted - staying home was brand new back then and a novelty and all I could think of was how lucky I was to be able to stay home with this perfect little being.

Katie also was good in the car seat - took a bottle and slept when we went places.

Fast forward to now where I have a 2.5 year old who is very demanding and too smart for her own good and who NEVER STOPS TALKING - I mean never - not for one second when she's awake and a newborn. My newborn won't take a bottle, hates his car seat and screams bloody murder when we go out places lately. He won't stay in a carrier and wants to be held all the time - but at least he sleeps well at night - only waking me up once to nurse and going back to bed immediately.

Ladies, I'm afraid I am suffering from a mild bout of post partem depression and I don't think I should be embarrassed to talk about it. It's out of my control. My hormones are still running amuck and I've been home for 2.5 years, so I think my claustrophobia from being in this apartment all this time has caught up to me and I'm sure the isolation of being out here hasn't helped either.

I'm overwhelmed all the time and more exhausted than I think I should be at the end of the day and I'm crazy moody and super resentful of my husbands ability to just get up and go wherever he wants - whenever he wants. (he doesn't actually leave me except to go to the gym - but the fact that he can just pisses me off to no end.)

I literally countdown to bedtime some days because I just can't take it anymore. The neediness, the talking, the demands, the breastfeeding, keeping up the house and all of the finances and not even getting 1 hour to myself 2 or 3 times a week to go work out at a gym class because every time I leave, I come home to complete Chaos. It's like my kids want to ensure I never leave because they somehow manage to have complete meltdowns with Dave which just makes me feel more trapped than I already do. It also makes him frustrated because then I'm pissed I can't do anything and he's pissed because he's trying to help me out and the kids are tag teaming him.
It's a miserable cycle and I'm hoping it ends soon.

In trying to help me with all of this, my husband and I were talking the other day and we came to this conclusion - I need a lunch hour. Time JUST FOR ME - to browse the internet or eat a meal at my own pace - or read a book before bedtime. That's what I resent the most - is the loss of time that is truly just for me. I feel like I don't get that anymore and the breastfeeding is a HUGE reason for that. However, as moody as I am and as unhappy as I can be on some days - I honestly believe that breastfeeding is best for him so I will keep on trucking :)

My clothes don't fit at all even thought I'm 10 pounds away from my target weight,
My boobs leak,
I'm exhausted,
My body temperature is still whacko,
My hair is falling out by the handful,
and now due to us moving into a rental house - I'm stressed about not making money. I'm just one of those girls who likes to make her own money - and since I haven't been for 2.5 years - and we are adding to our expenses, it's stressing me out.

Luckily I have an amazing husband who helps me out as much as anyone could ever want and who understands that this crazy version of me is temporary. I am also looking forward to moving into a 3 bedroom house with 2 floors of living. We are thinking of making the kids share a room too so that I can set up an office for my PT consulting work and Dave's guitars and my arts and crafts along with space for guests in the extra bedroom.

I think all of this will help get me back to me which I'm desperate for as I feel like I've been out of whack since my first tri-mester.

And the older Ben gets and the less he needs to eat and the more I can get outta the house alone - the better I will feel - so I just keep trying to tell myself it's temporary and I will one day miss how small they are - and I will keep asking Dave to help me get mini breaks when he gets home so that my feelings and frustrations don't affect the kids and I will make sure that I make time for myself in any way I can so that I don't get resentful.

I love my kids more than I thought possible and I don't regret having them - but like I said, motherhood is not all roses and rainbows and if you suffer from the baby blues or postpartem depression- you owe it to yourself and your family to talk about it and acknowledge it and get help. It's nothing to be ashamed of and in more serious cases than mine, can only be fixed with your doctors help - that's what they are there for.
And if you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and frustrated - ask your friends and family for help and back up and make your husband do stuff. I have absolutely no love for husbands who don't help out at home - I think it's a cop out - this isn't the 50's - put your big boy pants on and be men and help out your wives and spend some time with your kids!!! I'm just saying - marriage and parenting should be a partnership - everyone will be happier that way!

Thanks for listening!

Things that happen when you become a parent

1. You will become obsessed with your child's poop - trust me
2. You will realize your first week home that you don't know any nursery rhymes or childrens' songs (unless you work at a preschool) We sang Christmas songs to our daughter her first few days because we couldn't think of anything else
   
3. You will learn to survive on VERY broken and often Very little sleep
4. You will get spit up on almost daily and probably get pooped and peed on too
5. You will give up dressing nicely for awhile because of number 4
6. You might forget to brush your teeth every once in awhile - baby wakes up - you rush to get a bottle or nurse him, you change a diaper, probably change his outfit from spit up and then you grab your morning coffee - it happens
7. You will contemplate whether it's worth peeing before you rush to bed once the baby is asleep because those 30 seconds could be precious sleep time
8. You will either LOVE or HATE car rides depending on whether your child likes to sleep in his car seat - my second child HATES the car - thus making any errands or trips torture
9. You will probably not eat out at a restaurant for awhile - unless you have a babysitter - you don't want to be those people with the screaming kid
10. If you do end up being that person with the screaming kid (like I was the other day in Target) you will learn to ignore those around you and curse them for their ability to run in and run out and finish their errand in peace - then when your child falls asleep and is quiet you will forget all about how stressed you were when he was screaming.
11. You will wipe your kids noses with your bare hand or your clothes to avoid having them be the snotty kid
    
12. You will change diapers on tables, floors, in the middle of dinner and it won't affect you
13. You will get over that awkward reading to a kid out loud thing - I always felt weird with my friends kids like I had to perform for an audience - you get over that
14. You will no longer listen to your own music in the car - if there is a kids CD that will quiet your screaming baby - that becomes the regular soundtrack to your driving life
    

No matter who you are or how you feel about the things above now - they will all change once you become a parent. Don't let this list scare you - you will embrace it and love it and when your kids are smiling and hugging and kissing you - you will not miss your old life.
At the same time, when your child is screaming and crying for no reason - you will miss your old life just a little - it's a cycle that is never ending but well worth it in the end.

;)

Happy Monday

Healthier eating challenge

I don't know what my problem is because I like healthy foods.
Whole grains, green leafy veggies, squashes, salads, even raw and roasted beets, beans, nuts, seeds, plain old fashioned oatmeal for breakfast, etc...
But I eat crap instead.

We have stepped away from having an overabundance of processed foods in the house, but I still eat them. I also tend to eat TONS of sugar and lately crazy amounts of salt.

Which is dumb, because when I have a wheatberry salad made with beets, carrots, orange juice and cranberries - I would just assume eat that instead of a cookie.

I think my problem is that although I like these foods, I do not know how to really cook with them all yet. "healthy, Vegetarian cooking" seems so daunting to me - which is ridiculous because I rarely cook meats and actually prefer vegetarian dishes. So, what am I so afraid of? I think it's a comfort factor. I am intimidated by cooking healthier - so I tend to just be lazy and make the same 10 things over and over again - some healthy - some not so much.

I also think that in my mind eating healthy has to take so much more time than grabbing something out of the fridge or pantry that's already made and fast.

(having 2 kids - meal times have to be speedy if I want to finish)

So, I have decided that this move is the perfect time to totally clear out my pantry and start over with whole wheat flour - less sugar, less processed chemically crap and WAY less sugary snacks and treats. Once we eat it - I will try very hard not to replace it - except for a few small treats every now and then.

I promise to buy more fruits and vegetables and to come up with meal plans that will force me to cook them before they go bad.

One of my NEW FAVORITES is Kale Chips - you take raw Kale and bake them in the oven with olive oil and salt and pepper and whatever other seasonings you might want and they come out as tasty, crispy yumminess that is WAY healthier for you than a handful of potato chips.

Dave got me a Super Duper cook book for vegetarian eating and I haven't used a recipe yet because I was intimidated - but once we are in the new house with my newly stocked pantry - I think I will try one recipe out of it a week. (to start)

So, here is my challenge - can you swap out one or two of your unhealthy staples for a healthier option?

My first swap will be Kale chips for Potato Chips.
I read a book once that explained it pretty simply - real food is what grows in nature and animals that we kill. Processed, chemically produced versions of food are not natural and certainly not healthy.

The guy in the book made 3 points that really stuck with me -
1) if your grandmother wouldn't have it in her pantry - don't have it in yours
2) try not to eat things you can't make yourselves (potato chips, cookies, french fries, etc...)
but if you really want them - make them yourself. Peel, slice and fry the potato chips - it's a lot of work and it might deter you from eating them all the time!
3) cooking should be a process - taking it out of the freezer and heating it up is not cooking

So, since I'm still breastfeeding which provides more motivation to eat healthier options and it is making me hungrier than I was when I was pregnant, I vow that the next few months I will be making healthier food options for me and my family. I will take more time to cook the food that we eat and not allow making meals to stress me out .
I will try to find ways to enjoy it again - because I realize that now I have 2 little ones looking to me to teach them to make good choices in eating and chicken nuggets and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all the time is not fulfilling that responsibility.

I owe it to them and I owe it to myself.

Plus, I always feel better when I'm eating healthy and taking care of myself - so it really is a win win for everyone!

Will you join me and share recipes, swaps and ideas for healthy snacks????