Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Why did we have 2 kids again?

I always wanted a big family. I had dreams of maybe marrying into one.. but then I fell in love with an only child - so one dream dead - but another fulfilled:)

So, when my husband and I decided to have a kid - in my mind we would always have more than one. I even had ideas in my head of having 3. I figured the more you have, the more likelihood that some of them like each other and would be close.

We had a good thing going. A great thing actually. We had the most perfectly behaved, insanely smart little toddler. We were sleeping at night, she was good during the day and we all had a great relationship as a perfect little threesome.

So, we thought - hey - we're pretty good at this - let's do it again.

I'm starting to think that was a bit of a mistake.

The past few days I have been questioning our decision to have 2 kids so close together in age...

Let me start off by saying, I love my kids!!!

Absolutely, positively, love them.
I like them... most of the time
You know what I mean..

So all you ladies and gents out there gasping in despair at the fact that I would admit something like this.... Chill - cause if you are a parent - you know what I mean. I'm just gutsy enough to be honest about it.

This blog is all about being honest, right?

So... here goes

I miss my old life. My sleep in til whenever we want to, go out whenever and wherever we want to for however long freedom. I miss lazy sundays and friday night spur of the moment dates.
I miss playing Nintendo all day long without a second thought about how that would affect anyone else.

I miss drinking alcohol in a bar after 9pm.

I knew having 2 kids would be hard. Double the work - but I feel like the reality of the situation, is that having 2 kids under 3 actually means triple or quadruple the work.

I understand now why parents of multiples have such high divorce rates... it's tough and the little buggers turn you into tired, cranky, mean, angry people sometimes.
I miss sleeping more than 3 hours at a time.

Now, maybe it's more exaggerated for me because my thyroid shut down, rendering me pretty much helpless physically and mentally for most of the last year. Add that to the fact that Ben took to nursing with a vengeance and didn't give me more than a 3 hour break away from him for the first 6.5 months of his life and you have a very tired, exasperated, struggling mommy.

Add to that, the fact that my perfect little family of 3 has turned into a stressed out, crazed, fighting group of 4 and you have an exasperated family.

Some days I feel like we're failing.

Katie doesn't like Ben. She won't go near him most of the time and she screams and yells when he touches anything in the house.... poor Benny just wants to play with Katie.
Katie plays us against each other and pushes every last button we have as human beings. Bedtime which used to be fairly simple - has turned into an hour long production AT LEAST. Meals have turned into a cage fight.

Ben is a happy baby, but he teethes with gusto - with fevers and snots that make him not breathe and crying... Katie never did that. Ben also wakes up at night still wanting to hang out - sometimes for hours at a time, and sometimes more than once.

I had no idea.

Thank god Katie has been potty trained for a year because I can't imagine how frustrated I would be if I had to change 2 kids diapers all day ;)

We keep telling ourselves and each other that it will get better. It has to. It might take 18 years. But - in my head, they will be best friends. They will give me lots of grandkids. They will call me every other day and be successful individuals who buy me expensive gifts and marry people that we like to be around ;)

The other day, we were so broken down that we started talking about not being prepared for how hard it was going to be... and Dave said that we should warn our kids so that they don't do it to themselves... but I said... NO, cause I want grandkids!!!

Dave said... that's why we're here. Our parents knew how hard this was and they didn't tell us because they didn't want to scare us so they could have grandkids.

Damn it!! A little heads up would have been nice. We would have had Ben eventually... just maybe later.

I know, I know... here she is complaining again. Well, it's a blog. Blogs are mostly complaints and thoughts of the individuals writing them.

This is where my head is at these days.

Again, I love my kids. Every day, they do amazing things that make me smile and laugh and every day they make me proud... but then no sooner than I wipe my last proud tear - is Katie yelling at Ben for looking at her. And then I get brought back to reality!

The good news, is that they are adjusting to daycare wonderfully and work is going CRAZY WELL. I can't tell you how much better I feel as an individual now that I am back to work. And it makes me so happy to see how much Katie is learning in Pre-K and how much Ben likes his teachers. It has given me the break I need and it will allow us to be in a good place financially for our house search.

As far as I can tell, so far - it's win, win;)

So, there is a light at the end of the tunnel... it just feels like a REALLY, REALLY long tunnel.

Needless to say, there will not be a 3rd child. Unless we can pop him out at a stage where he will be self sufficient ;)

Happy Tuesday!


  1. haha I had to laugh at this blog - mostly because it's cute and real and a little because you are terrifying me about #3 getting here. I have to say, we kind of lucked out - Jake was a VERY easy newborn we wanted #2 right away. That didn't happen. but the age gap has been good for us. Jake loves to help with everything. Aidan was a little more difficult than Jake - he is a terribly painfully long teether and we have had many more sleepless nights than we did with Jake. and here we are awaiting the arrival of #3. but I always wanted a big family too. and people keep asking me if we are going to have 4 since the first 3 are so close together and in my head the answer is a firm "no". I am kind of over being pregnant, I'll totally be done with sleepless nights when we get there, and it'll just be nice to move into a new phase with our family in tact. So I totally get what you are saying. I really miss how flexible life was before these beautiful babies got here. But just when you think it's getting settled into something, they seem to move into a new phase. and if your next phase makes you suddenly feel like you absolutely must have another baby I will just point you right back to here :)

  2. It does get better as they are older. Each age with it's trials, but when you can rationalize with them, they are less resistant.

  3. I, also, have to say that you made me laugh! I am listening to a friend of mine who just had a baby 5 weeks ago. Now she has 2 under the age of 2 and she doesn't know how people do it and especially me for having 2 at the same time.

    Every day I take a deep breath and try to take in as much of my kids as I can. There is always going to be something new and a new mountain that will need to be climbed, but don't worry...this will pass too. I honestly said that at about 6 months of age for the boys, I was ready to have some more. Now, I love sleeping all night...most of the time...and past 7:30 when I get to sleep in. They are fun and can tell me what is wrong. They love each other and hate each other all at the same time.

    You're kids will eventually look to each other when they need someone to talk to or when they need to decide what home to put you and Dave in when you get too old and they don't want to change your diapers! :)
    Just keep your head up! :)

  4. Come on would not have listened anyway. Things will get better and yes, Grumps and I did want grandkids as will you.
    Mimi in CT

  5. Ok, So I am reading this and just laughing! I have two under two in a one bedroom apartment!! Just imagine all of what you are going through amplified!
    We are doing the two in diapers at a time. My husband just started a new job that has him working third shift and I am still working two jobs! You are able to get through this and do it because there is no other option. I am amazed at the amount of support that I see you have with your parents and your in-laws and dearly wish that I had the same.

    You will look back at this time in your life when you are older and I laugh... you just have to...

    You really can't make this stuff up.. This morning, at the exact moment that Ben's special ed teacher was knocking at the door to have his session, Alex had a massive blow out with green poo on the walls, in his hair, and all over his crib... Ben broke a whole sippy cup of milk on the rug, and water started rushing out of the bottom of the washing machine.... someday... we will laugh.... i hope!

  6. I think I'm having a day much like yours when you typed this... I cried the entire time I read this! It's uplifting to know WE are not alone. I have a 10 month old and a 28 month old so I hear ya girl!

  7. Thanks. It's good to know I am not alone.

  8. This is exactly how I feel somedays with two kids. My youngest is 6 months...and she is a decent sleeper. But my oldest turned 4, and he is a great sleeper! We had such fun adventures with just him....I'm not sure some days if we made the right decision with two. I think families with only children are happier growing up...I'm just not sure if the child will one day grow older and wish he/she had a sibling. That was our primary reason for the second. Hope it works out...sigh...

  9. Loved your blog. Hate to break it to you but it never gets easier, even when they are 18+. You just trade one set of problems for another set with each age group. Spacing them out longer doesn't help any either for the same reason. It took me 6 yrs after my first child to want a second so my 2 boys are 7 yrs apart. They are now 18 & 25. They've had their share of squabbles, telling on each other, aggravating each so the other will holler and end up in trouble cause that's the child I heard, etc. Yes the "work" gets lighter the more they can take care of themselves but that's about all the perks you get. lol. I jumped up and down for joy when my oldest son moved out at the age of 20. We were half free with 1 to go. the age of 23 he moved back home with a pregnant fiance to boot!!! Not only did I thought I was getting rid of 1 child, I ended up with him + 2 more extras. My grand-daughter is now 1 and even though we love her living with us...there just isn't enough room and are praying for the day the move out...counting the days down as a matter of fact! I love my kids but my husband and I are not the type who cry over an empty nest...we look forward to it. We've even thought about moving out of state and not letting anyone know where we are except for a po box and cell phone number. :)