Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Stay at home Mom Burn out

I love my daughter.
When I left my job in Human Resources after she was born it was a pretty simple decision. Although I loved working, here was this teeny tiny little creature that needed me and I felt I needed to be home with her all day every day. The idea of putting her in daycare just never sat right with me. (although that had kinda been the original plan)

So I traded my blackberry and addiction to reading work emails at all hours of the night for spit up and dirty diapers.

Then we made the decision to move so that we could be closer to my husbands job so that he could be home more with us. It was the best thing we ever did. He gets to spend so much time with her and it really helps me with my sanity to know that he's home by 5:15 every day and doesn't leave the house until 8:30 in the morning to get to work.

But that meant we left our comfort zone where we knew things and people and were going to have to start over on our own.

It took a year - but I have made some friends here and I am finally starting to feel comfortable. I go to a book club and I use the internet to stay in contact with people and I met some local moms with kids around Katie's age that I really like and get along with AND they have awesome kids that Katie loves to play with which is a bonus!

But something is seriously still missing. Perhaps it's because Potty training only took a few days and because I can have full on conversations with my 22 month old - but I really don't think she needs me anymore. Not the way a baby needs it's mother. I feel like I'm holding her back. She LOVES hanging out with other kids and playing with them - especially older kids that will really interact with her. (Chase me is her favorite game)

So, last week I took her on a tour of a Daycare/preschool to see what kind of part time options we could find for her so that she could get more time with kids and she LOVED IT. Didn't even look twice to make sure I was still in the room and didn't want to leave.

So, here is my dilemma...
I'm burnt out on staying home.
I miss work.
I miss adults and deadlines and meetings and conference calls.

I love my daughter to death, but I feel like it would be beneficial for us both if she went to daycare at least part time and I got to work a little again- so now I'm getting that itch to go back to work

Except I'm 5 months pregnant with baby number 2 - which means I'm committed to staying home until I feel like our son doesn't need us anymore - which is fine - but how can I get over my frustration in the meantime?

I feel like an awful parent who is counting down the months until I can put her in "school" part time a few days a week - not just so she can play - but because I need a break too. It sounds so selfish - I need a break from my child hounding me for ever changing requests and interrupting my phone calls and walking into the bathroom with me.

How do other stay at home moms stay sane? I think I'd die without naptime. Once 4:30 comes around I anxiously await my husbands return. I think part of my frustration is that even though I'm the one that gave up working to stay home with her - he's the one she adores. She wants nothing to do with me once he gets home - which only adds fuel to the fire of my frustration at being home to begin with.

Tell me it's not just me that misses working sometimes and dreams of the day they can go back into corporate America and be ME again - not just Katie's mom. I hate to say it, but it's not enough for me.

Perhaps I need another hobby?



  1. You have so many hobbies already! I feel the same way but we want baby #2 next year so why go back to work. I try to plan as many playdates for Kayla a week - one a day sometimes is enough to wear her out!

  2. I have definitely had this feeling before, and then I think - in 5 years, I'm going to be wishing I was home playing with Jake all day and not sitting at work.

  3. My feeling is mixed. I am a fulltime working mommy so when I am at work I want to be home and when I am home I want to be at work. Maybe it's because when I am home I am not just all about my son but trying gto accomplish 20 other things at the same time. Do not feel guilty just realize that if you do go back to work your amount of time gets cut drastically. I currently walk in the door at 5pm, spend 30 minutes catching up with JC, then from 5:30-6:00pm I am getting dinner going and laundry and prepping fr the following day. We eat at 6 by 7 we are playing again 7:30 is bath, 8pm we watch 30 minutes of tv then it's to bed at 8:30. 3 1/2 hours of craziness just never feels like enough when cleaning and grocery shopping coming on the weekends. I never feel like I get to teach him anything and when I walk in the door at 5 and JC greets me with "Mamma you came back" it nearly breaks my heart. I say try to create some daycare like structure at home and work part time for your sanity and adult conversation.


  4. Have you considered volunteer work a few days a week? It'll get you networking with other adults, get you away from just mommies and their children, it'll give you purpose and look terrific on a resume when you decide the time is right to go back to work. Good Luck!

  5. Bon... great point. I actually just got involved with a Special Olympics project but that is combined with one of my hobbies and is done at home. (making a scarf) However, I did reach out to them to see if they have local opportunities and have since this post looked for other things in your area! Great idea... not sure why I was so blind to thinking about it before - but THANKS for the boost:)