Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Having an identity part 2

So, in writing my post this morning, I left out the other important aspect of being a whole person.
Having an individual identity outside of your kids AND your marriage.

Before I had kids I really invested myself in work. Work was who I was.
I had a few hobbies at the time, but between working FT and going to school at night - there wasn't much time for hobbies.

Once I quit and decided to stay home with Katie AND move even further away from everything we knew - I found that I had lost myself.

I didn't have friends who lived close by, or who would come visit me often. No siblings to gab on the phone with or have over for coffee - no work friends to meet up with at night.
It was me, Dave and Katie.

So, I started going to the library and met some very nice ladies there who got me back into crafting. So I started knitting and crocheting AND reading all at the same time.

I started going to the gym and found the time to be so rewarding to just get out of the house and do something that was ALL FOR ME that made me feel good and that I knew was making me healthier and less stressed for my family.

I started an online book club (which is pretty much defunct at this point - the holidays killed us, but for a few months there we were kicking ass and reading books once a month and meeting in an online chat room.

I found people on FB and re-connected virtually. I joined a book/knitting club.

I was a member of my colleges Alumni board of Directors for a time which filled a void in my life that staying home and not working had created.

I started blogging.

These are all things I did for me first and others second. These are things that bring me joy and stress relief and frustration all at the same time. A little frustration every now and then never hurt anyone.

Luckily I have 2 good local friends here - one who lives downstairs and has and a 3 year old
(fate right?) and the other I met at the park one day and we just hit it off and started talking (she has a 2 year old) So I have been lucky enough to make good friends that also have children that are GREAT friends to my daughter. Most of our activities revolve around the kids, but that's ok - because we all have fun. And occasionally we leave the kids and husbands and actually get out alone for a few hours too because it's not just the kids that we have in common.

If it weren't for all of these things - I could not be a good mother to my child. A miserable, unhappy or lost person is not capable of being the best person they can be. I truly believe that.
I have noticed a HUGE improvement in myself since I have found all of these things to do and since I no longer feel like, "just a mother."

What things do you do for yourself already and what things would you like to be able to do for yourself but you haven't had the chance yet?

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