Thursday, April 10, 2014

Happy Wife Happy Life

I can't stop thinking about a phrase I hear ALL THE TIME. Happy Wife = Happy Life - this is usually directed at a husband and it's intended message is that he should do everything he can to make his wife happy so that his life will be happy too.

I call bullshit.

Here's why. Everyone loves being taken care of once in a while. Everyone likes nice gestures and being spoiled and getting their way. (Me too, although I try to reciprocate once in awhile)

But, sometimes we are wrong and we shouldn't be given our way in an attempt to "make us happy" because it's easier or because that's just how it should be.

If I'm wrong - tell me I'm wrong and set me straight. It might not be easy - I'll probably be a bitch about it  -  but I need it so that I can grow as a human being. (And god knows, my bitchiness needs to be curbed sometimes)

Same thing for this idea that our husbands have to shower us with things all the time. If you want flowers - buy yourself some damn flowers - why is that wrong? I thought of this as I saw one of those Humans of NY pictures and a guy was holding flowers and the interviewer asked him who they were for and he said "they are for me - I like pretty things." I thought - holy crap - rock on guy - way to not have to wait for someone else to put a smile on your face.

All of these thoughts and feelings have led me to my next goal to add on to my current ones. To make myself happy. To be responsible to me.

Why do we have this idea that someone else has to make us happy? Someone else has to "do" for us?  I'm making myself happy and I want my daughter to grow up and to be able to do the same. Don't get me wrong - I hope she finds her knight in shining armor, (or in my case - my Maine resident with an ugly green hat and a bass guitar) but until she does and even once she has found him, I want her to be able to make herself happy. I want her to be interested in things. I want her to read books for pleasure. I want her to exercise because it makes her feel good - not because she thinks she has to or even worse, because she thinks she has to so that a boy will like her.  If she is able to do these things, she will be able to bring more to the table to any relationship she is in. She will be content - maybe not all the time, but most of the time, because she will accept no less for herself and she will not wait for, or expect someone else to do it for her.

What things do you do to make yourself happy?

1 comment:

  1. I agree. We just had this conversation at home - it is in 3 parts: family, yourself, your relationship - in no particular order really. I think you need to make yourself happy and that starts with figuring out what makes you happy and then starting to do it (sounds simple enough, right? ha), but part of that should probably include wanting your spouse and family to be happy, too. it's a fine line of "doing things only for you" and "being selfish". I also think it is important to still pursue your partner. I love little thoughtful things Mike would do when we dated like bring me flowers or spontaneously plan a date and I will always want those small things because it makes me personally feel like I am wanted and appreciated (and vice versa on his end). I agree, it's your own responsibility to make sure that you are happy, and if you're (I mean "you" as in general public) not, then you need to figure out what needs to change. sometimes it's something you're doing yourself or how you're being treated or how you are acting or living life - no one will recognize it or change it for you - no matter what it is. -- sorry if that was a ramble! I've been in this place lately of bringing in more positive and enjoying this short little life we have. so important.